No One Will Be Seated After the First 22-Minutes!


            There was a time that I saw everything released.  Some weeks I would go see a movie every night.  Art House things at 11:45 pm - on a work night yet. Retro Houses on Saturday or (and) Sunday afternoons - Harryhausen, Marx Brothers, Flynn, Bogie. Then -- after the kids came along -- it was a little multi-plex, second run, dollar house.  I checked once, in 1988 I saw EVERYTHING that was released.  I bought copies of everything that I really liked - and found I never watched them. . .

            Then along came something called Netflix. I could make a list and they would send the movie to me. Small films that I no longer had to seek out - could watch in the comfort of my living room - at 11:45 pm, on a work night.  Then Netflix decided I should have their entire collection at my fingertips, hmmmm.  Netflix begat Crave. . .and Prime. . .and Apple. . .and Disney+. . .and + and + and low and behold, I had everything at my fingertips.  A flat screen almost the same size as the dollar house multi-plex screen. And a remote control with a fast-forward button. . .at my fingertips.

            So now, I no longer watch anything.

            The Cancel Culture stepped in took over the Oscars and Golden Globes, literally telling them who their vote of “Best” should go for. Reducing the value of any film award - though the Oscars had fallen in value ever since the broadening of their categories. And a Pandemic swept across the land, closing theaters -- somehow, I resigned myself to this inevitability.  I was okay with it - while I would miss sitting in a darkened room, red velvet brocade material covering the walls, a ninety-foot screen taking me away - the movie going experience was, sadly, to be something from the past.

            Everything changes.  So what becomes of me - the admitted movie.  I will sit here, remote in hand, poised over the fast forward button. Speeding through the fifteen different production logos at the start of the first reel. Speeding through exposition that it all falls victim too - it is a visual medium - show it, don’t say it. Visuals “fixed in Post”. Re-boot-gurgitated plots. Shaking my head as TV-Movies are awarded Oscars and Globes - ever hear of the Emmys, folks? I will sit here watching nothing -- that is unless it stars Jeff Daniels, Peter Dinklage or Laura Linney. . .or is directed by Del Toro or Tarantino.

            Shhhh! I gotta go. . .something’s starting.

 

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