CHEMO SABE????


"A firey horse, with the speed of light, a cloud of dust, and a hearty. . . I own Silver and other precious metals? The Lone. . ."

Oh who am I kidding, I can't even say it as a joke. Will you look at this picture? This has to be a nightmare, I thought they had shelved this idea. There is now and has always been only ONE Lone Ranger, Clayton Moore, end of story. Do you remember Clinton Spillsbury, the 1980's attempt to steal the mask from it's rightful owner? No, nobody does and no one's gonna remember the heir to the Armand Hammer fortune (who really, really wants to be an actor) after he turns his trust-fund attention span to something more shiny. Hell, nobody really remembers John Hart, who replaced Clayton Moore briefly in the original series. Clayton Moore owns the word LONE, like Chuck Norris owns the word RANGER.

And Depp, really? A drop of indian blood five generations ago does not qualify you to play Tonto, although you've signed to play every 50's and 60's character in ALL remakes for the next ten years, when your downhill contract as Cap'n Jack expires, Look at you, you look like the Skipper did when they dressed him up as a headhunter on Gilligan's Island. And for the record, Tonto never wore a bird on his head, leave the Tim Burton props in in Helena's trailer. The two of you together look like some S & M party scene cut from Eyes Wide Shut.

I am a huge fan of westerns and pray they will make a comeback, but not under the helm (and color scheme) of someone like Pirates of the Caribbean director Gore Verbinski - it's western for god's sake, not a friggin' theme park ride. I just have six words for you - can you say, Wild, Wild West?

Comments

  1. Great rant. I think the only way this movie is going to work is if they just go for it and make it really, really campy - like a Monty Python sketch run amok. Depp looks ridiculous - he went from the Keith Richards-inspired "Cap'n Jack Sparrow" to Insane Clown Posse-inspired "Wears Crow on Head". Big stretch there, Johnny. And "The Winklevii"... uh, yeah. You should have stopped with J. Edgar. I mean just stopped "acting". Like completely.

    Leave it to Hollywood to suck the soul out of all that's good and right with this world...

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Don't Think You're Happy Enough! I'm Gonna Make You Happy. . .

THIS IS NO LAUGHING MATTER

"The Special"