The (New & Improved) HYENA KITCHEN

     B ack in my stand-up days - way back in the 1980’s before everyone had feelings and politicized correctness - I did a telephone bit to play with the audience.  The phone would ring on stage and I’d have to answer.  It was the father of whichever young lady was seated up front (this is why you never sit against the stage in a Comedy Club) and I would proceed to relay questions from “Dad” about how the date was going, etc.  Sounds dumb, I know, but it worked. One particular night, however, a young lady’s date took umbrage to what I was saying and decided to defend his woman - this happened to be Texas, I should have known better.  As he was making his way around to the steps, I kept talking - I think the word is needling. Always one to make a situation worse! It was killing, and as he got closer, phone in hand, I dropped my arm ready to clock him if he actually stepped up on stage. One foot on the bottom step and security grabbed him, escorting him from the room, all the time thre

 Today's venture outside the walls of the blogosphere, take us to Maya's Micros - a feature found at  www.theclosedeyeopen.com . I'm quite proud to have my piece "The Last Bookstore" included in this month's batch. Thanks to Daniel and Maya, now GO - check it out. [End of shameless self-promotional plug]           https://theclosedeyeopen.com/mayas-micros-ed-15/

                      So, the subject of the relevance, in regard to the Academy Awards came up today before the broadcast and the answer is simple. They are NOT.   They haven’t been for years now, long before a pandemic threatened to destroy the movie going experience. To paraphrase Norma Desmond, movies are still big, it’s the minds that are getting smaller. The minds of the studios. The minds of the public. The minds of the Academy. Small minds. Now studios have never been broad minded, it’s all about money and dumbing down the product to the lowest common denominator - but God damn it there was a time they made at least five relevant movies each year.   And without having to be PC.   Great movies are great regardless of topic or director and it is that greatness that deserves awards. That greatness that is relevant.                 And as far as the public’s concerned, since when has the public been the best the best judge of what’s good.   Tonight’s broadcast is a perfect ex

                                                         To everything, turn, turn, turn                                                      There is a season, turn, turn . . .             And as we turn around once again another Spring has sprung, another sunrise has aligned perfectly through Stonehenge, somewhere “Here Comes the Sun” is dee-deedle-lee-ding through a 3” speaker, and soon many of us will be heading off to sea. Well, not literally, but what is it some 70% of the world’s population live within an hour’s drive of water - so you know you’re headed to the beach. Soon.   And with that in mind, remember we are connected to the water in ways we fail to understand. The planet is 75% water. The human body is 60% water. We show little regard for how we treat either and it will be the downfall of both.   Climate change and pollution is going to change our relationship with the oceans. So, as you embrace the Spring (and coming Summer) value the fact that you have access to clea

    I wonder if there is an Office of Calendarial Overreach that oversees the assignment of “National Day of’s.”  It seems every day I open the ol’ laptop and there’s new one - National Cumquat Day. National Tattoo Removal Day. National Pet Pedicure Day. - something.  I seem to remember reading that in 1970 it took - literally - an act of Congress to ratify Earth Day, in a bi-partisan agreement I might add.  Now it seems these “Days” are handed out like New Orleans parade permits.  You pay your $20 and fill out the form and bingo - it’s National Bingo Day.  Now, I bring this up today because it is National Pi Day - not to be confused with National Pie Day (January 23 rd ) or, say National Apple Pie Day (May 13 th ) - but the celebration of that famed infinite number 3.14 and I suppose in recognition of today’s date. Coincidence perhaps? Until you take into account that today is also National Nap Day - conveniently falling on the day after we “spring forward” an hour - so close to Nat